We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
should my penis look like a turkey
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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