There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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