i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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