turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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