She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she looked like the before picture.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
