My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
