I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
