He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
