If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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