He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
