Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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