so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
