So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
