she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
