I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
