i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
