Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
