I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
