I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
