singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
