remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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