Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
