you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
