He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
