____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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