i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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