Well douche your snatch and let's go!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
