How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
