And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
