remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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