I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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