I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
