I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
