There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
