I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
