He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
