We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
