I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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