you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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