I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
