He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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