too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
