Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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