lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
