i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
