oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
