threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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