Your face is a jimmy john
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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