Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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