He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
