This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
