Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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