He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
