there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
