we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
