I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
