if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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