I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
