I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
