So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
