Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
