420 ftw
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
