Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
